Aficionado Agony presents: LISA IS PREGNANT Prt. 1

There are many good fan fictions, fan videos and pieces of fan art out there done by fans with an obvious love for their chosen TV series/book series/whatever and the creative capabilities to create brilliant little nuggets of genius for all to enjoy.

This blog is not about those fans. This blog is for the worst recesses of fandom, dragging little black globules of dingy backwater crap and putting them in the spotlight on a cold operating table, shouting at them and demanding that they be goddamn good. Some of these pieces might be so bad that they’re good, or so bad that they’re horrible, but there’s one thing that’s guaranteed with all of them; that they’re really bad.

Case in point: A little fan-fic based on The Simpsons called “Lisa is Pregnant”. Imagine the Mike Scully era of The Simpsons, only worse. With incest. It’s worse than it sounds. But you’ll see that for yourselves if you care to scroll down a bit.

As you will see, I myself am an unabashed fan of Mystery Science Theatre 3000.

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Aficionado Agony Presents:

"LISA IS PREGNANT" by diesir

(read the original fic here)

"Chapter One: Heating for Life"
-- This fanfic is sponsored by British Gas.

"Bart and Lisa un in the mountain."
-- Oh goody, we're four words into this story and there's already a spelling mistake (or something. I can't honestly tell what went wrong there, but something did.)

"Snow everywhere."
-- No shit Sherlock. They're trapped on top of a mountain; what else did you expect to be up there?

"They were no suit for the weather."
-- And all their base are belong to us.

"They where normal cloths and they get sick"
-- Why do I get the feeling that Babelfish wrote more of this story than diesir actually did?

"They wood die"
-- Given what happens next in the story, this sentence is surprisingly ironic.

""Lis' its a life or death situaytine." Bart said as he unzipped his pants."
-- That isn't a typo; Bart is referring here to an uncommon variation on... Wait a minuet, did that line just say that he unzipped his pants?!?

"Bart?"
-- Lisa isn't asking about why Bart's getting naked. She watched the movie, she's seen it all before...

""It's life or death and we must live on and get warmed up somehow!""
-- Why don't you just cuddle? That'd work just as well as having intercourse! Why do you need to have sex with each other? And what does he mean "live on"? Unless Lisa's womb is as advanced as her brain, if you're going to die then it's going to happen before the nine months it'll take for her to give birth. Last time I checked, DEAD PEOPLE CAN'T GIVE BIRTH TO BABIES!
Frankly, Bart's plan is full just full of holes...
Quite like his sister apparently...

"Bart was the right!"
-- To be honest, I've never saw Bart Simpson as a potentially good mascot for the Republican party...

"But Lisa was reluctant but gave in to incest."
-- And you thought that show was full of mischaracterisation...
It is, but this is still worse.

"He took off her cloths"
-- So his plan to keep them both warm for longer requires them to get naked? And he wonders why they're about to die...
At least diesir used the right version of "off" for once...

"and slid it in her"
-- I think that if I tilt my head back, I might be able to choke myself on my own vomit and get out of having to read the rest of this crap...

"(he didn't have pants just panty"
-- Yeah, thanks for clearing that up...

"so Lisa kept clothes on was easy."
-- So is Lisa wearing clothes or not? (I can't believe I just asked that)

"and roughed her up."
-- Wait, aren't Bart and Lisa 10 and 8 respectively? Oh God, what is up with this story?!?

"Lisa put her arms and legs around Bart for support"
-- Aw, how cute. I think...
Oh great, now I look like the sick one...

"Eventually he cam in"
-- Without knocking too, the rude git.
Wait, diesir can spell 'Eventually' right, but not 'came'?

"and he went unconcious on top of her to Lisa clutched onto his body and feel asleep"
-- Oh, all men do that after sex...

"Its a good thing Lisa had recess recieving organs"
-- I have no idea what diesir meant that sentence to read as, and I don't really want to spend my energy figuring out...

"or she wood have tired out from the workout like Bart Simpson."
-- THE BART "SEXY" SIMPSON HUMPING WORKOUT - Shed those pounds in seconds. Only costs $24 p&p and the small cost of your earthly soul.

"---
"Homer Marge your dotter is dead."
-- No more Roy Litchinstein-style paintings for you.

""Oh no!!!!"
-- diesir is truly the master of believable and emotional dialogue...

"Oh wait did I say dottor I meant son." It was good ol' Dr Hiibart goffing up agin!
-- Oh ha ha! The doctor messed up while revealing the death of their son to two loving parents! The son died in tragic circumstances, and the doctor had to tell his family the bad news, and he got it wrong! Oh, that's hilarious! [/furious sarcasm]

"Lisa finally WOKE up."
-- Oi, don't you shout random words at me. I'm the one being forced to read this shit.

""What happen." Lisa say."
-- I remember being in a cave, and I had sex with my brother, and then I has flashbacks to Rosemary's Baby, and now I'm here...

""You awake. Bart is d'oh.""
-- Did diesir misspell dead? Is that a joke about how Homer always says D'oh? How can Bart is classed as D'oh? That sentence just doesn't make sense.

"Oh NO!!"
-- Hey, that rhymes. This is just like a Dr Suess book; like Cat in the Hat. Only I'm suicidal. So this is more like Cat in the Hat the movie...

"I tell you not to play in mountain!"
-- It's a bit late to tell her now, isn't it? (Yes, I know that it should probably be "I told you", but that's what you get when you have writers don't use spell checkers)

"Another thing Lisa." Hillbart say"
-- Does anyone remember a character called Hillbart from the original series? I know of a Doctor who had a similar name, but no Hillbart...

"Congradulation"
-- and celibreytion, wen I tell everyone we in love

"What!"
-- Can you please phrase that in the form of a question?

"You will be a mother." He say"
-- Just like Lina Medina. You must be so happy.

"Mage and Homer in shock to"
-- The entirety of Mage? Damn, it takes a lot to shock an entire village.

"Who is father"
-- And THEN WHO WAS PHONE?

"And why was Bart found on top of you and inside of you and naked and you were seen in a suggestive lovers pose with him with your panty accidentally loose?""
-- I think you've just answered your own question. Clap clap.

"Lisa turn red and suddenly remember."
-- She did the same thing a few years later while in therapy at the institution...

""We used last resort to keep warm.""
-- I wish you did. Taking refuge in a Last Resort hotel would have been a lot better than what you ended up actually doing...

"You mean..."
-- "You stole my Papa Roach records? You bitch!"

"Lisa nod."
-- As well as an incestuous whore, Lisa also doubles as a funky bobblehead to put on the dashboard of your car.

""WHY YOU LITTLE...!" Homer choke Bart's lifeless body."
-- Ha ha! Oh, that's funny because that's what he does in the TV show! Only now he's doing it to the recently deceased corpse of his dead son! Ha ha bloody ha!
Please someone kill me.

"Dad please stop he saved my life with that"
-- Whoah, what part of Bart's anatomy was he choking?

"because women are have recessive parts and I did not exhaust myself with a dominant 'worm'."
-- Wait a minute, what? Lisa didn't die because women have recessive parts that stop them from dying if they have a....
WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS STORY?!?

"What we do now?" Marge say.
-- Pray and hope that God has mercy on our souls?

"I want an abortion" Lisa say
-- Wow, this is just like Juno. Only I want to disembowel myself. So it's just like Juno.
(Cue people now ready to kill me for not liking Juno...)

"What no, the last living part of my baby is still in you!"
-- Wait, my baby? Is Bart communicating from the grave? Is Lisa talking to herself? Who said this?
This is this fics version of "Watch out for snakes", isn't it?

"Mom its my baby I can do whatever I want with it."
-- I could take my baby and turn into a giant foetus yoyo and enter it in competitions. Do you want that? DO YOU?
And Marge believes that the baby is hers? Wierd much?

""Okay." Marge sop and Homer confort it."
- Did he comfort Marge or her sop?

""Hmm." Lisa thinking "Well it's also Barts child and he is dead so out of respect for saving me i think I should have it after all!""
-- Oh, well that was easily resolved! Hooray!

END OF CHAPTER ONE

Well that was hell. Wrong on so many levels, with the worse spelling and puncuation this side of "My Immortal". And you know the worst thing; this is Chapter 1 of 3. We've still got two of these suckers to get through.

Keep checking the site as coming up next is the next two chapters of this piece of crap. I want to call it an abortion of literature, but the pun is just too horrible.

So tune in next time. Will Lisa actually have her baby? Will Dr Hilbert find out that Dr Hillbart is trying to steal his job? Will diesir finally learn to fraking spell? Find out the answers to these questions and more in the next instalment of Aficionado Agony!


STINGER: Remember, woman have recessive parts and require dominant "worms" to stop them from dying from over exhaustion....